June 13, 2009

I Remember Tom, a remembrance of Tom Coates by his cousin, Peg Morris Earing

My cousin Tom Coates was one of the “set” of children born to sisters, Shirley Jane Ripley Coates and Virginia Breed Ripley Morris.  The set was Jimmy, Peggy, Billy and Tommy, or more formally; James Houston Coates, 1939, Margaret Ann Morris, 1940, William Eric Morris, 1941 and Thomas Ripley Coates, 1942.  We were a set because when we were quite young, our fathers, James Otis Coates and Robert Edward Morris, went into the United States Navy to fight World War II.

Our mothers, being alone with small children, tried to make the best of things during a very tough time.  They frequently got friends together for a luncheon, the “children’s table” for Jim, Peg, Bill and Tom being set out in the back yard in the shade of a tree.  A wonder they could trust us out there while they ate “chicken-a-la-king in puff pastry shells” for lunch inside.  Or, they just got together as sisters for a “play date” -us four to play while they chatted.  Some times we were joined by others, such as Charlie and Tommy Wertheimer along with their mother Clara, whose doctor husband Lee was also off to war, being sent to minister to a leper colony.

Finally in 1945 the war ended and our fathers returned.  Those strong bonds forged during those frightening electric years, however, lasted forever.  Most memorable were our family holiday celebrations.  Our grandmother Ripley played the piano, Uncle Jim, the harmonica, and we all sang full out and in harmony.  Eventually, Tom joined in the harmonica playing.

Tom’s intelligence was evident early on.  He became quite a debater, proud that he could argue any side of an issue and win!  My dad and Tom both enjoyed a rousing debate, which occurred at some point during each family get together.  Tom would say “Uncle Bob, what do you think of …….”, and off they would go.  What ever side Uncle Bob took, Tom argued the opposite.  Seemed to me that Tom was frequently the ”winner” of those debates!

Tom told me my first “dirty joke”, which I totally did not want to hear.  He convinced me to listen.  It was a protracted story with the punch line “And nine months later the baby was born with a glass eye and a wooden leg”.  My husband just told me he never heard that one, but he is having some memory problems!

During our school years, Tom amazed me with his ability to learn and speak many languages – Latin, French, Spanish, Chinese or Japanese, who knows what else.  Note that our grandmother, Olive Breed Ripley, was quite conversant in Latin, Classical Greek, French and English – also in music and mathematics.

Tom also amazed me with his interest in ham radio operation.  He knew all the technical ins and outs plus had a regular group of people that he talked to all over the world.  I think he kept up his ham operator’s license to this day.

One year, Tom was living on a farm, he gave Thanksgiving for us, me with babies in tow.  It was a wonderful time.  There were sheep and we had to go to the pump for water.  Shortly after, Tom came to dinner at our house when my husband was out of town on business.  He played so joyfully with my pre-schoolers, then while I put them to bed, he did all the dishes.

All our paths diverged as we spread out across the country.  My two most recent visits with Tom were in the same year, 1998.  We met at Ginny Lee and Will’s wedding, where I had the pleasure of meeting the wonderful Victoria.  I recently came across the great picture she drew of the bride and groom in my sketch pad.  Then, shortly after, my mother passed away.  The whole “before the war gang” and the “after the war gang” came to our support.  It meant so much.

So, I can only say “thank you Tom for all the times you were there for me.  It doesn’t seem fair that the youngest of our gang went first.  We are glad we knew you and we will miss you.”

Love forever.  Your cousin, Peg

trc